Careful With Luxuries

August 9th, 2012
People are always asking "how did I ever put up with that?" Now that we have a dishwasher I don't want to go back to washing up by hand. Now that I have a smartphone, the idea of waiting for a bus without knowing how long it's going to be sounds very unpleasant. Having a light laptop I don't know how I managed carrying around a heavier one. Things slip from luxury to necessity as I get used to them, but the peculiar thing is I'm not any (much?) happier. [1] Once something becomes a necessity it's very hard to give it up. Which means I should be cautious about accepting new luxuries.


[1] Not to imply that I'm unhappy; I'm lucky to have a good life and a high happiness set point. Just that I'm about the same as I was back when I didn't have any of these things I would hate to have to do without.

Referenced in:

Comment via: google plus, facebook

Scott (12y, via fb):link

see the Louis CK routine: Everything is amazing, and no one is happy.

David German (12y, via g+):link

Have you not found anything more fulfilling to do with the time you used to spend hand-washing dishes?

Christian (12y, via fb):link

"give it a minute - it's going to SPACE!"

Scott (12y, via fb):link

"you're sitting in a chair...in the SKY" [points up]

Dave (12y, via fb):link

Giving up things can be a pleasure, too.

Todd (12y, via g+):link

Disagree. I think it means you should work to re-calibrate your happiness (or something along those lines). Maybe you aren't happier with these new luxuries, but you're surely better off (as implied by David's statement). So it seems to me that your happiness isn't the right metric. Either you need a different metric, or you shouldn't trust your "intuitive" happiness.

Adam (12y, via fb):link

I bought a house this year (which is itself a sort of luxury) and chose location quite deliberately to distance myself from one luxury and move to another. I wanted to use my car less and bike more. I have succeeded as I only use my car a couple of times per week. I would really miss using the bike, though, and having to walk!

Chelsea (12y, via fb):link

I am recently getting used to the new luxury in group living of folks cleaning the bathtub after they use it. And we have gone from "dishes don't get done" to "do your own dishes" to "do your own dishes, seriously, we'll have someone in charge of enforcing every night" and now I'm dreaming of "clean the cooking space after you use it so someone else could make a meal...." Each adjustment is followed by a great deal of relief, but then I start dreaming of the next step. No complaints on the bathtub though - - - goodness it's nice!

Josh (12y, via g+):link

I haven't thought about this in great detail, but I suspect that this is similar to the "it's easy to want things" problem, something we tell ourselves as sysadmins to explain why people make more requests than we could possibly ever fulfill.

So in this case, if you want something, and get what you want, that doesn't mean you no longer want anything, or even that you want fewer things necessarily -- you just want different things. Desire is a normal part of life.

(Or it's a thing to be overcome until you achieve oblivion, but I don't buy that for a minute.)

Jeff Kaufman (12y, via g+):link

@David German  Probably.  But I don't feel happier.  Which may mean other changes have balanced this out, but I think more likely is that my overall life satisfaction just isn't that sensitive.

Josh (12y, via g+):link

Another thought about this: Maybe it's wrong to tie wanting and happiness together. Does wanting something make you unhappy? Does getting it make you happy? Maybe in small ways, but probably not in way that like increases the total amount of overall happiness in your life or something.

For example, when you're hungry, and want food, that makes you a little unhappy; and when you eat, that makes you a little happier. But it's not like every time you eat, you get happier and happier and happier, or that someone who's been eating for forty years is happier than someone who's been eating for only twenty.

I think other kinds of non-necessities desires are like that too. You want something, which makes you a little unhappy; you get what you want, which makes you a little happy; and then later, you want something else.

This doesn't really get to what was maybe your main point, though, which is that your baseline of what's "necessary" rises as you get things that you want, hmm.)

Josh (12y, via g+):link

So perhaps the moral is this: Another way to say "this new thing is now a necessity for me" is "I am now dependent on this thing", and being dependent on things doesn't make you happy.

David German (12y, via g+):link

@Jeff Kaufman  An hour of fulfilling activity doesn't make you detectably happier than an hour of drudgery?  To each his own, I guess.  There's no doubt in my mind that time-saving luxuries make me happier, and basic home electrics save a lot of time rather cheaply.

Jeff Kaufman (12y, via g+):link

@David German  "An hour of fulfilling activity doesn't make you detectably happier than an hour of drudgery?"

Detectably happier right after?  Probably.  (Though it would depend partly on whether I was used to the drudgery.  Washing dishes as routine vs washing dished because the dishwasher is broken.)  Detectably happier overall in a life with less drudgery, not so sure.  I think I mostly get used to not having to drudge and it stops having much of an effect.

Danner (12y, via fb):link

I do two things about this: when I notice that I am addicted to something, I give it up for a time, perhaps just to see if I can. I'm sure you have examples of this, and there are items like my phone that are more addictive for other people than they are for me, so I can't give them up in the same way, but overall, I've found it a decent way of understanding my 'necessities'.

Second, I try not to focus as much on 'happiness' as a life evaluation - it is security (a nice house, paycheck, toys, car, 'the good life', 'the american dream'), but is not a strong connection to how I feel (this varies, I'm better at not worrying about security than some) so I've taken a quote to heart about not trying to be happy, but to try to create moments of joy. these stick around in your memory, make it ok that bad things happen, and have a much stronger connection to the way I feel than general 'happiness'. The more times I can say 'That was AWESOME!' the better.

Daniel (12y, via fb):link

If you haven't already seen it, I think this TED talk is relevant and well worth your time: http://www.ted.com/.../dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy...

General topics: why are we happy? Natural vs. Synthetic happiness. How happiness is affected (or not affected) by getting what we want (or losing things we care about), in short and long-term.

Recent posts on blogs I like:

The Weekly Anthropocene Interviews Me

I have been interviewed by The Weekly Anthropocene. It’s sort of a grab bag of all the topics we talk about on this blog—some effective altruism, some general life advice. I really enjoyed getting to talk to Sam Matey, who’s a very smart guy. Check it out!

via Thing of Things January 6, 2025

Two missionary memoirs

The lives of people who worked admirably hard toward a goal I find pointless The post Two missionary memoirs appeared first on Otherwise.

via Otherwise January 6, 2025

Dance Calling By The Numbers, 2024

This post contains javascript content and must be viewed on site.

via Harris Lapiroff January 6, 2025

more     (via openring)